The first one…

blogging-insideBlogging is a weird thing, right?

You feel empowered because you are writing from your heart. You feel a little embarrassed because you really are writing from the heart. You feel self-conscious. Maybe lonely. Or are you the one who is completely bewildered that nobody else feels the way you feel so you have to get it all out there or you will burst into flames!

I go through all the usual feelings when I post (strength, empowerment, joy, worry, embarrassment, self-hatred), and it usually ends up in me hiding for a few months and then deleting my account a few months after that. I get this strange feeling in the pit of my stomach – that no one actually cares about what I am saying. Do I matter to anyone else?

Today I came to the conclusion (I know, I know… it took me a while!) that it doesn’t matter who reads what I post. It really doesn’t matter. Blogging doesn’t have to be for an audience, it can be for me. Just me.

I decided in January that I am going to do things for me. Things that make me happy 🙂 And although blogging wasn’t my number one, it definitely was on the list. So I am back. Alongside some other new activities in my life, 2017 is the year I shall blog my life away – how bloody exciting!

So, this is the post to find out a little about me, and then we just crack on right?

  • Two years ago I set up a WordPress for the very first time. I was going through the worlds worst break up… I am not exaggerating in the slightest. No one could ever understand because no one had ever experienced any of the hurt and sadness that I felt during those few months… NO ONE! Then I deleted it because I suddenly realised EVERYONE had felt heartache in some way (remember that chocolate bar you saved behind the milk bottle in the fridge… and your brother ate it an hour ago!).
  • After graduating in Criminal Psychology at 21 years of age I stuck with what I knew… and worked in retail! I hated it, but I was good at my job and I earned money (which turned really quickly into prosecco and skinny jeans!). Last year I decided it was finally my time to turn my back on everything viscose and I accidentally dropped into the best job in the world! I now support families of sick children – I still find it hard to believe that I am doing something like this. I was always the girl who didn’t really know what she wanted to be when she was older, I was happy to let my barbies do the hard work, all I had to do was move their legs!
  • I have three brothers. My parents broke up when I was 4. I have curly hair and blue eyes. Last year I suddenly felt tired… my usual scatty behaviour started ending with my body crashing. I started to eat every two hours just to stay focused and I slept way past the usual seven hours I had trained my body to accept. Turns out I wasn’t dying but I had Hyperthyroidism. Now I take tablets everyday, in 18 months I will know whether my brain has fixed the problem or if I need radioactivity / surgery to rid my body forever of the thyroid gland that refuses to do its job!
  • My girlfriend bought her first house last year. I moved in too. I’m telling everyone it’s my first house as well. I gathered if I pay half the mortgage every month it will soon build up… eventually I’ll own the bathroom tiles. Or maybe even a window!
    This is me.

My blogs will be about nothing in particular but to me they will be my world.

I’m 24 years old and I do believe that up until this point I have made a lot of decisions based on what those around me would think or feel. It is very empowering to consciously think ‘It Is Me Who Wants To Do This’. And I think I am doing well so far. Here’s to blogging…

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2 thoughts on “The first one…”

  1. Ok, let’s do this right, so it looks at least acceptable. I was feeling down these days, nothing that has happened to me, my life in some other eyes is pretty good, I have a loving and caring family (that also accept me being gay), we have a good life. I have some friends, kind of a start of a career in jewellery design with a few clients even. These days I’m a little down, it seems that everything I have or that I’ve done is equal to nothing. I do not know if it’s the beginning of a depression, or if it’s something else. I lack a strength to want to live (not in the matter of killing myself), but to enjoy the life I have. I always wonder if it’s something I’m not doing, but I cannot figure out what it is. I keep imagining going out and starting over again and I know that at the same time is not the right decision because even if I “start over” a new life, I will still have the same problems. Anyway, I came asking myself these times what I can do or what I can change. Today (now to be honest), I was preparing to leave home, and decided in the most innocent and naive way, to make a search on an engine with a frase: ” the answer to all my problems”… and no kidding, one of the results that caught my attention was your blog. Interesting huh? Even more interesting is that I am also 24 years old. Idk, maybe some cosmic fate or just coincidence. Well let’s see then what this evolves for me. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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